One Month Ago

Jolyon and I became affianced one month ago. He mentioned this "anniversary" date last night after walking in the door from work, as I greeted him with my normal so-glad-you're-finally-home hug. Since he claims not to remember birthdays, anniversaries, and the like, I couldn't help smiling when he brought up the one-month engagement mark.

We haven't done much in the way of wedding planning, other than decide that we'd like to get married next October on the beach, or something equally tropical. Wedding planning envokes a strange twist of emotions within me, though. I present to you now...


The Nuptially-Induced Several Sides of Shelly


The Minimalist Shelly

I'm a big-picture thinker (at least according to my Myers-Briggs results). And the big-picture thinker continuously whispers, 'ultimately, it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage.' Is there really a need for extravagant decorations or a cake? Wedding favors? Matching bridesmaids dresses? Photographer? Open bar? The list goes on, as you probably know. Two people are vowing to commit to each other, for life; there shouldn't be any expectations from family or friends, or society in general, for the couple to have an elaborate ceremony and/or reception.


The Casual Shelly

I want a casual wedding and reception. No tuxedos for the groom or his groomsmen. No stuffy church-pews and no suits and ties. Just the beauty of a natural surrounding, where Guests can dress casually. An ambiance of tropical informality, fun-in-the-sun with a unique flair that matches the personalities of the bride and groom.


The Emotional Shelly

Why is a wedding emotionally important to women, but not always to men? Why are women stereotyped to be more "into" planning a wedding... and why is this stereotype true? It's important for my close friends and family to be there on my wedding day, to witness the vows I make to the man with whom I'm going to spend the rest of my life. I'd like to look around and see all the faces from so many different aspects of my life, all together at one spot... a symbolic culmination of my past: my childhood and my young adulthood merging into marriage. As an extrovert, I spent the majority of my life surrounded by people, and I want those people who mean the most to me to be part of what will be a wonderful turning-point in my young life... I want to celebrate my love for this amazing man with the people who helped shape me.

Borderline Bridezilla Shelly

A year of planning. Wedding websites. Bridal shows. Wedding magazines. Wedding-planning kits. Bridal shower. Bachelorette party. Rehearsal dinner. Ceremony. Reception. Farewell brunch. The industry tosses so much information at you that it's impossible to avoid that nagging curiosity. Pretty soon you want everything, even though you originally said you didn't, and you're not sure why, because deep down you know this is out of character for you. Deep down, you know you don't need it. And suddenly you feel guilty and ashamed for wanting so much for just one day... and you lose sight of the main reason this day exists.


I feel a little bit of each "Shelly," but never overpowered or overwhelmed by them. I'm guessing that this is a natural emotional pattern. I truly am enjoying being engaged, and I don't want it to pass too quickly.

How did I know Jolyon was The One? A few of my female friends have asked me this, and I suppose it's a common question to ask newly-engaged couples, as well as couples who have been married for decades. There were several instances in which I felt a strange, yet calming, sense of inner peace, a sensation I can only attribute to my subconcious whispering, "Pssst, this is IT. This is the guy for you. He is The One."

The first of note occured last September, when one of my close friends was going through a difficult time and needed someone to talk to. Having no one else at the time, my friend called Jolyon at an hour that most would consider unGodly. Without hestitation, Jolyon drove 25 minutes in the middle of the night to meet my friend. He provided the listening ear that my friend needed, and stayed up until close to dawn to help reach a resolution.

He casually mentioned this to me the next day, over an IM conversation. I started crying as I realized that he was "that" guy. The selfless, problem-solving hero who understood that sometimes all it takes is a listening ear to help someone reach clarity. Even though I know he met my friend because that's the type of person he us, I also inferred that he understood just how important my friendships mean to me. I'm fiercely loyal to my friends, and I want to marry someone who understands, appreciates, and values those kinds of relationships.

The second instance occurred in December, when Jolyon took me to see Cirque du Soleil, which he deemed a "selfish gift," since he hadn't seen the show and I had seen it four times prior. I giggled at this, and even though he told me not to "make a big deal out of it," I still donned a nice shirt and a skirt to wear to the show.

Words won't adequately convey the sensation I felt as we walked up the stairs to the Cirque du Soleil theater at Downtown Disney. He was walking in pain, suffering from an injured left knee (which actually turned out to be a torn medial meniscus and was later successfully repaired through arthroscopic surgery), and was having trouble walking up the steep stairs. He looked at me, and smiled, and I took his hand. And, as strange as it sounds, I knew at that moment that this was the man I was going to marry. I saw my future in that instant.

I'm filled with an incredible warmth whenever Jolyon looks at me in the way he looked at me that night at Cirque du Soleil. I fell in love with him prior to that night, but, as cliche as it sounds, I fall more in love with him every day... because I know he'll look at me like that for the rest of our lives.