Broken

It has been almost a week since it happened. In a brief, clearly scripted, ten-minute conversation with Luke, I lost a boyfriend, a best friend, and a second family. He did this on my lunch hour, in which I met him at Downtown Disney, on a small bench, overlooking the water.

Luke broke up with me three days before our five and a half year anniversary and a week before Valentine's Day. His reasons, however, are valid-- we have grown into two different people who want different things from life. We have always been different, but living in Florida the past three years has allowed me to fully transform into the person I was meant to me. And Luke simply cannot keep up with me, and he admitted this. He told me, "You deserve someone who can make you happy... you deserve better than me."

Being different people was never an issue for us, really. At least, it wasn't until recently. Living together really does put a lot in perspective.

He wants to live in a climate that has four seasons; I am happy in my Floridian paradise. His future career choices (if he ever decides on one) could take him anywhere, at a moment's notice; I need more stability than that. He enjoys spending his days off on the couch, winding down in front of the TV; I rejuvenate by hanging out with groups of friends. He is a spender; I am a saver. He is messy; I am a neat-freak. He is satisfied with a lazy lifestyle; I am constantly pursuing new hobbies and I enjoy meeting new people. He is 28 years old, still trying to finish his Bachelor's Degree; I'm 25 years old, looking to pursue a Master's Degree. He likes to hunt and fish for sport; I am a vegetarian.

But I knew a lot of that going into the relationship, back in 2002. I was 19 when I met Luke; we had our first date on my 20th birthday. We had an amazing five and a half years together, and I wouldn't change any of that. Our current state of "co-existing" as roommates is very difficult, and I imagine it won't last more than a few months, if even that long. I'm just not ready to let go. How do you simply stop loving someone over night? You can't.

These are just the facts, though. I'm not ready to write about how I'm truly feeling, though. But I am allowing myself to fully experience each emotion that washes over me... whether it means breaking down in tears in a coworker's cubicle, throwing picture frames against my bedroom wall, or sitting in the parking lot of my work, staring at the steering wheel, unable to get out of the car.

I will write more, when I am ready. Just be patient with me.