Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Balancing Acts

"Remember when I used to sleep over? In your bed? Haha. Yeah. And then Jolyon took my place."

My friend told me this the other night. She was bouncing around my apartment, being goofy as usual with the boys, then suddenly stated the above line. It came out of left field, and I didn't know what to say, but before I could comment, she was already bantering on about another subject. Three days later, I'm still dwelling on that simple phrase, "Jolyon took my place."

I'm the type of person who reads too much into statements, the type who always looks for the implications or allusions in a person's dialogue. I pride myself on being overly tuned in to others' internal emotions. 9 times out of 10, I can sense when someone is upset or bothered, even when they don't physically show it . Those close to me have deemed it "freaky," since I'm usually right.

I also pride myself on being able to strike an even balance between Relationships and ShellyTime or friends. I make a conscious effort to make sure that I am not blowing off friends and other commitments for my significant other. And, I am blessed because I'm in a relationship in which we both enjoy time to ourselves and time with other friends. We need each other and depend on each other at a healthy level; we do not demand each other's time, nor do we expect it 24/7.

I never, ever, wanted to be "that" girl. The girl who disappears from her friends and social outings when she becomes involved with someone. The girl who stops making plans to do things she enjoys, because her boyfriend wouldn't approve. The girl who changes her beliefs and values to please or attract a man. I am not that girl. I'm still Me, a Whole Person.

I'm a planner. I schedule social events and outings weeks, often months, in advance. It's borderline obsessive, really. I gain comfort in the thought that I have something going on each night, whether it's a soccer game, volleyball practice, grabbing dinner with a friend, or having a pasta night with the roommates.

For the non-planner (and I have several much more spontaneous friends), it's difficult for them to hang out with me, and vice-versa, mainly because when they ask to get together ("Lets hang out. What're you doing tonight, Shelly?), I probably already have plans. It has gotten to the point that I have to "schedule" free time. Literally. I write in my Lifebook (the term I deemed my Planner many years ago): "Stay In. Pay bills. Catch up on Emails. Blog." In theory, it appears that I am free that evening, but in my head I have already crafted out a 'to-do' list; sometimes, I'll sketch this list on a piece of paper at work so that I don't forget.

There are people in my life with whom I have stopped associating, unless we're brought together in a group setting by someone else's planning. I've given up trying to make ammends, at the risk of appearing like I am "begging" for their friendship. It's simply not worth it now.

There are people in my life with whom I would like to spend more time, but neither of us initiate an outing. It's usually, "We should hang out soon" and "Yes, definitely!" But nothing ever comes to fruition, and it's neither party's fault.

We are all capable of maintaining friendships while still being involved with a significant other. It's part of life. I've written about it before, but I'm going to use that wonderful word again... BALANCE. We all do it on a daily basis. We balance our time and our energy between work, family, and friends. It's simply not healthy to spend 100% of your time doing only one of those items.

I like to think that I do a decent job of balancing the priorities in my life. If I sense that one area isn't getting enough attention, I try to adjust. But I'm not perfect, and I never will be. Perfection is something I will never consider tossing into my balancing act.

1 comment:

*Robin* said...

Great entry Shelly. Sometimes I forget how well you know me; fact that you picked up on something that was bothering me which disguisingly came out as a joke..that's the intuitiveness I love about you.

ps-I think you're doing a great job of balancing.