What Others Think?

Do you worry about what people think of you? Are you willing to hurt those close to you in order to protect your own image, your pride? Do you feel embarrassed by the disappointments in your life, to the extent that you cover them up to avoid looking bad?

It's human nature to be conscious of how others perceive us. Most of us are surrounded by people 24/7-- in the workplace, in the household, at the grocery store, at the doctor's office, etc. We're raised to behave a certain way so that we can become productive members of society, and as we grow up, we develop unique interpersonal skills.

I admire those who live their lives not caring about what others think. They live for themselves, free-spirits who focus their energy inward. They don't follow the trends; instead, they move with their own rhythm, creating their own lyrics. While others scoffed at the kids in high school who wore the "weird" clothing, or dyed their hair "different" colors, I wanted to say to them, "I think you're fascinating; don't change when you get older."

Conversely, I'm put-off by the opposite end of the spectrum-- those people who focus too much time wondering what the world thinks of them. They've lived their lives trying to mirror perfection, internally associating disappointments and setbacks with failure. They want to impress people, to appear unfaulted, ultimately taking self-consciousness to an unhealthy level.

I like to think I fall somewhere in the middle of the "worrying about what others think" spectrum. And this is probably where the majority lies, too. I care, mainly, about what my close friends (and family) think; I value and respect their thoughts and opinions. I never want to disappoint them, and often times, I'll go along with their plans or itineraries even when I don't want to, just because I don't want to disappoint them.

But I'm learning that it's ok to disappoint people, to change your mind. And those who sincerely care about you will still be part of your life, if you let them.

When you establish a friendship with someone, have you ever pondered the implications of that friendship? What is your role? Are you the "fun" friend, the one who is called to attend a party or hit the bar? Or maybe you're the supportive friend, the one who is summoned for advice or counseling. (If you're lucky, you're both of those.)

I'm a fairly open person. I keep a blog that details my thoughts and daily events. I'm constantly on Instant Messenger, with an updated away message. I have a Facebook profile and a LinkedIn account. When something is bothering me, I have a few select people who will hear about it for days; I have a need for consistent, honest, communication, otherwise the sensed disconnect will inevitably sever the relationship. But I understand that not all people are like me, and thank God for that. :)

I do, however, choose all my relationships based on communication. Maybe I was drawn to you by your sense of humor, and our shared laughter bonded us. Maybe you shared a personal story that inspired me to tell you one from my childhood as well, and we mused over our similar upbringings. Obviously, some of my friendships are deeper than others, and that tends to derive from intimate conversation. And once that level of intimacy in a friendship is established, it releases a waterfall of "Icantellyouanythingandyouwontjudgeme" or "Idon'tneedtoworryaboutwhatyouthinkofmebecauseourfriendshipisunconditional". Do we expect our close friends to tell us every detail of their lives? Of course not. On the flipside, though, we expect our close friends to tell us the truth.

Honest communication. Isn't that the basis of all relationships? Family, friends, lovers, coworkers... when we connect with these people, don't we want a truthful encounter?

If you lie to those who are close to you, think for a moment. Why are you lying? What will you gain by doing this? What are you hiding? And why are you hiding it from the people who care most about you?

I used to ask myself those very same questions, so believe me, I'm in no position to preach. I am, however, in a position to request honest communication from the people to whom I will always speak the truth.