Deal-Breakers

I've been having some amusing conversations with a few of my male friends regarding "deal-breakers," aka, something that would make him stop dating someone.

For example, my friend and fellow volleyball/softball enthusiast, Jeff, states that a deal-breaker for him would be a woman who "likes cats" or "doesn't eat meat." He loves to cook, but says that it would be too much of a hassle to create vegetarian entres.

Dan told me that any woman who adorns fake nails is automatically x'ed from his list. And Mike says that he couldn't continue seeing a woman who disapproved of "Guy's Night Out" or who scoffed at the idea of playing video games or watching sports.

These days, I'm much more in tune to what I want in a relationship; thus, on the flip-side, I should probably have a decent idea of what I don't want, right? What would I consider a deal-breaker? And if I label it as such, how long would I tolerate the act or "flaw" before I threw in the towel? All fun questions to ponder, though I'd never really given it much thought until recently.

That being said, I've been musing over my personal deal-breakers. I started thinking about past dates and relationships, which helped build my list. My list seems pretty reasonsable, on the surface. I don't think I ask or expect too much. I mean, I would never go as far as a Seinfeld episode and shun someone for having "man hands."

Shelly's Proposed Deal-Breakers

~ Inability to accept a vegetarian lifestyle (I would never ask someone to stop eating meat, so don't expect me to change, either.)

~ Dislikes the beach

~ Impulse buyer (red flag reading "can't save money")

~ Uncomfortable in group settings, or uncomfortable in social situations in general

~ Dislikes animals

~ Dislikes the outdoors/nature

~ Glass half-empty attitude during tough situations

~ Dislikes playing sports

~ Relies on me to plan things all the time (I love planning, but I also don't like having to do all the work... meet me halfway.)

~ Disinterested in reading my writing

~ Plays mind games... the main one: acts one way toward me behind closed doors, then treats me like I don't exist in public.

~ Depending on the stage of the relationship, daily communication is key. A simple, "hey, how was your day?" or "how're you doing today?" seems pretty basic, no? I don't take this for granted, and I don't expect my partner to, either.

~ Withholds emotion/affection due to fear (Love is always worth the risk, in my book.)

Obviously, there would be factors to consider within each of my proposed deal-breakers... this is just an on-the-surface list after a brief mental review of guys who didn't make the cut back in the day. The simple traits such as disliking animals, the beach, and sports probably could never be overlooked, as those are essential in my life. But the actions (mind games, communication, and withholding emotion) would probably require confrontation and a little coaching. He won't know what I want or need from him unless I tell him, right? I'm still working on grasping this notion, but I get a bit closer every day...

Deal-breakers: such a casual way for us to label what we don't want in a significant other. The term has a mocking connotation to it. "Wow, dude; that's a deal-breaker for me." And so on. The term almost gives us an out.... an easy way to admit to our peers that we deserve better, and that we actually recognize that fact. Maybe we're joking when we hone in on a deal-breaker and verbalize it to our friends... but there's a little truth in every joke.

But not being able to joke around with me? Well, that's a deal-breaker, too.