Trust in Love

I need to pay homage to a nother blog I recently read. The following exerpt really hit home for me, particularly because of a conversation I had with a friend.

The blog exerpt:
The most significant expression of trust is one that can only be come to over time, and even then, the simple passage of time is no guarantee of ever getting to this stage. This trust is the willingness to make yourself vulnerable to someone else. To open up wholeheartedly and let that other person inside of you, thereby exposing your faults, weaknesses, insecurities, shortcomings, fears, doubts, and every other horrible thing that you are too afraid to share with almost anyone else, lest they judge you or think less of you for it. By doing so, you are trusting this person completely. You have given them the ability to strike at you in your most vulnerable places, and the knowledge that any such attack would be sure to cut deeply.

This trust should not be given lightly, because the repercussions of misplaced trust at this level can be devastating. How ironic that the people we care about most are also the ones who have the ability to cause us the most pain and anguish. But really, it has to be this way. In order to truly feel connected with someone, it requires that amount of trust and openness. There is a necessity to feel safe with that person. To feel valued and loved for who you really are - faults and all. Only when we are appreciated for who we are in our entirety can we feel truly content. This is the great risk/reward of ultimate trust.

On the one hand, if this trust were ever to be abused, it promises horrible pain and can lead to serious doubts about our self worth inflicted upon us by those who we used to hold dear - making the feeling of betrayal that much worse. For some people, this fear may be too much.

But on the other hand, this supreme trust offers the promise of greater self affirmation and a renewed sense of self worth, made possible through the confirmation that though we may not be perfect, we may still be exactly what someone else is looking for. And no matter how self confident or sure of one's self that someone may be, there is still no substitute for the unqualified love of another, which inspires trust of this sort. It changes us in ways that nothing else can, and allows us to become more than we ever would otherwise. This type of trust is always a two-way street, allowing us not only to share ourselves, but to gain insight into someone else.

From this exchange of trust, we can take comfort in those common weaknesses and experiences that we have both shared. We find solace in the knowledge that we are not alone in suffering and doubt - that even those whom we admire most must also face the same doubts and insecurities that we ourselves struggle with. This knowledge alone is valuable and often serves to bring us closer together. Without trust, it would not be possible.

I have commented on this person's writing already, expressing my thanks for the insightful words. It's refreshing to scroll through my daily list of blog pals and read an entry such as this one. Most of my friends' blogs are littered with self-depricating thoughts and accounts of tragedies in life and love (myself included, naturally). While I do enjoy immersing myself in my friends' personal lives by reading their blogs (thus not directly involving myself, but still feeling somewhat connected to them), it's almost a relief to read entries in which the writer simply chooses a topic and goes with it. I hope to get back to doing that myself.... someday.

I agree with the exerpt I have included in this post. It's impossible to completely connect with another human being without fully opening yourself up to them, thus inviting the potential to get hurt. This means being 100% honest and open with that person.... expressing your true wants and desires, at the risk of appearing unattractive to the other person.

We fear this concept in intimate relationships. We are terrified of exposing less desireable qualities to another person, fearing that it will taint the level of adoration once held by the admirer. We are scared to commit, to trust, to allow ourselves to fully love another human being, and receive love in return. We are afraid of the pain that we might cause another. Or worse, we are afraid of the pain we might experience ourselves.

"I'm not perfect," someone might say.

The other will respond, "I know. But that doesn't mean you aren't perfect for me."

Take the chance of getting hurt, or hurting someone if that person is willing to trust you. I have been hurt countless times, whether the pain stemmed from a friendship or intimate relationship. I do not fear this pain, because it meant that I was able to trust another person with my faults and weaknesses, ultimately accepting those faults. I will gladly take the potential pain and suffering for the opportunity to experience a human connection so deep and powerful that both people end up in tears over the emotions they have just shared with each other.

I will not stop trusting. This is truly the only way to become close to another. I refuse to continue living a life full of "what ifs." I refuse to be a martyr and allow someone else to pursue what I have wanted all along.

I need to start today.

What if I had told him I how I truly felt when I first felt it? What if I had stopped denying that I wasn't interested and allowed myself to fall sooner? What if I had been honest from the start-- would my life be different right now?

What if. What if. What if.

Like the writer said above-- the people we care about the most have the power to hurt us the most. This is the risk we take when we enter into a deep friendship or intimate relationship. There is no way around it. For someone to fully love you for everything that you are, they need to see your faults, weaknesses, and insecurities. And, undoubtably, they will love you more deeply because you are able to share that part of yourself.